


Glee - "Swarley" [HIMYM]

by SetYourGoalsx7



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Glee sees HIMYM, HIMYM - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-24 14:25:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1608380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SetYourGoalsx7/pseuds/SetYourGoalsx7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is basically episode 2x07 ("Swarley") of How I Met Your Mother if it were Glee characters. You don't have to know anything about the episode or show to read. It was just for fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glee - "Swarley" [HIMYM]

**Author's Note:**

> The dialogue is almost word for word except for some changes here and there for obvious reasons. I do not own or have anything to do with HIMYM or Glee so please don't sue me. I'm just a youngin'. 
> 
> I also added my own very tiny miniscule ending that unless you're familiar with the episode, you won't even know the difference. :)
> 
> Also on my tumblr - dcrissss.tumblr.com (follow all back there as well as take suggestions and what-not)

Blaine, Artie, and Sam were all sitting in a small coffee shop that Blaine saw on the way home from class one day and wanted to try it out. It was silent for a while as the three boys sipped on their coffee.

“So, I guess that decides it.” Sam said.

“Yup.” Blaine agreed.

“Hanging out at a coffee shop is not nearly as fun as hanging out at a bar.” Artie concluded.

They all reveled in this thought for a while before Sam spotted something on Blaine’s cup.

“Man, what’s that?” Sam asked as he pointed to sharpie doodle on the side of Blaine’s cup.

“What?”

“That coffee dude wrote a heart by your name. Somebody has a crush on you.” Sam said in a sing-song voice.

“Somebody thinks you’re me.” Artie said in the same sing-song voice.

Blaine thought about this for a minute. Ever since Kurt up and left to go to some stupid fashion thing Blaine really didn’t care about in San Francisco for the summer, breaking off their engagement in the process, he has had a hard time about “getting back out there.” Even though Kurt is back in New York now, Sam and Artie keep trying to tell him even though Kurt is his apparent soulmate, what he did was selfish and Blaine needs to move on even though they all still remain friends.

“Do you really think he likes me? I mean, I guess it’s not that surprising. Every time I come in here, I totally crack him up.” Blaine told his friends. He thought about the few times he's come into the little coffee shop.

**_Three Weeks Ago_ **

_Blaine was waiting on the side for his order to be called out. It just turned into the fall season and ordering his usual just reminded him too much of Kurt, so he opted for a new coffee order for now._

_“Blaine, here’s your pumpkin latte.” The dark haired model of a man said as he handed the coffee to Blaine._

_“Wow. How did you fit a pumpkin into this little cup?” Blaine replied as the two of them laughed._

**_8 Days Ago_ **

_It was Blaine’s turn to order so he stepped up to the register._

_“Hey.” Blaine started to the same man. “Remember the time I said that thing about how do they fit a pumpkin into that little cup?” Blaine asked with a smile, trying to flirt._

_“Which time?” The guy questioned with that same bright smile._

_“The first time.”_

_“Yeah, that was really funny.” The guy responded with a huge laugh._

_“Right?!” Blaine said laughing._

“All right, there’s only two reasons he’d laugh at that. One, it’s the first joke he’s ever heard.” Sam started to say to Blaine. “Or, two, he likes you! You should totally ask him out!” Sam encouraged with a light hit to Blaine’s shoulder.

“You think?” Blaine questioned a little self-consciously.

“Yeah! That’s why you’re not back with Kurt, right? So you can experience what it’s like to be single.” Sam reminded Blaine.

“Well, what if the heart doesn’t mean anything? What if he writes it on all the cups?” Blaine said starting to examine the heart on his cup again.

Sam took a look at his cup. “Mine says “Sam,” no heart.”

“Mine says… “Swarley.” What? How did they get “Swarley” from “Artie”? It’s not even a name!” Artie questioned out loud. “Who would ever be called “Swarley!?” There was a pause with Blaine and Sam staring at Artie before he understood their silent conversation. “Oh, please don’t start calling me “Swarley”.” Artie said as Blaine and Sam laughed. “Man, this would never happen in a bar!” He shouted angrily before wheeling himself out of the coffee shop.

“Man, what’s up with Swarley?” Sam questioned.

“I know. You almost never see old Swarlz get that upset.” Blaine continued the joke as he sipped his coffee.

 

**\-- // --**

 

Sam excitedly walked into Mercedes' apartment. "Hey! Guess what?" When he turned fully into the apartment, he noticed she was on the phone. "Oh, sorry." He said as he sat on the couch. 

“It's only my mom.” Mercedes started to say as she lowered the phone. “She's just rambling on like always. What happened?”

“Blaine asked out a guy!” Sam told her excitedly.

“Wow!” Mercedes said in shock, then remembered she was on the phone. “Well, if anything, that's Dad's fault. That'll keep her going a while.”

“Oh, of course, you know, he had a little help.” Sam told her.

“Swarley hooked him up?” Mercedes asked.

“Oh, good. You got my text.” Sam acknowledged. Mercedes nodded her response. “Oh. No, it was me. I gave Blaine one of my secrets.” He shared.

* * *

 

_“So, what he say?” Sam asked excitedly._

_“Nothing. I don't think he heard me.” Blaine said nervously. “I- It's pretty busy up there.”_

_“What? You gave him the look right? Head down, eyes looking up, hands in pockets, shoulders up, head slightly tilted, conveying shy vulnerability.” He explained as he mimicked the actions._

_“I think so. Look, can we just go?” Blaine has had enough of this._

_“Pumpkin latte for Blaine.” The barista called out._

_ “I didn't order that.” Blaine said confused as he went to pick up the cup. It was then he noticed the scribbles on the side. “Phone number.” He whispered excitedly to Sam. _

* * *

 

“I love that look!” Mercedes explained. “I think I almost slept with you because of that look. And it's fake?” She said exasperated.

“Oh, and you biting your lower lip, shyly looking away and thrusting your chest out is natural?” Sam challenged.

“Yeah, I hear you.”

Sam and Mercedes both turned their heads to the sound of the apartment door opening. They both greeted Kurt with a “Hi.””

“Hey, guys.” Kurt greeted in return. “Are you free tomorrow night? I was thinking of having a wine tasting slash "help me catch the rat in my apartment" party.”

“That's a great idea.” Sam told him. “You can put out cheese for both.”

“I should invite Blaine, right? It'd be weird if I didn't.” Kurt thought a lot about this. He missed Blaine entirely too much. He just needed him back.

“Yeah, I don't think he can go.” Sam told him nervously.

“Really? Why not?” Kurt questioned. He tried to stop his heart from beating out of his chest at the thought of not being able to see Blaine.

“Uh, okay, um…” Mercedes started nervously. “Kurt, we have to tell you something.” Kurt proceeded to sit on the couch next to Mercedes in the spot Sam occupied earlier. “ Blaine has a date.”

“Oh.” Well, he certainly wasn’t expecting his heart to hit the floor there. “Well... good for him.”

“Really? You're okay with it?” Sam questioned surprisingly.

“Look, we've been broken up almost six months. I mean, I'm not thrilled about the idea, but he has every right to date someone else.” Kurt replied as his wrung his hands nervously between his legs.

“That's very mature.” Mercedes praised.

After a minute of silence and of Kurt losing himself to his thoughts, he noticed Mercedes.

“Why are you holding the phone?”

“Oh, shoot.” Mercedes put the phone back up to her ear. “That's hilarious, Mom.” She continued to fake laugh. “Didn't even notice.”

 

**\-- // --**

 

“Hey, dude, by the way, I really like that suit. Tell me about the fabric. Is it foreign or something?” Sam asked Artie as he feigned interest.

“Wow. It is foreign. I'm impressed, Sam.” Artie started wearing suits when he was promoted to assistant director of some movie that Sam keeps forgetting the name of. “It's Moroccan, actually.”

“Whoa.”

“I got a call for Swarley. Is there a Swarley here?” The bartender called out.

“You weren't interested in my suit at all, were you?” Artie said exasperated.

“Swarley!” The bartender called out again.

Sam proceeded to pull out his phone that he had hidden under the table since the arrival of Artie. “Yeah, I know he's there. It's really important. Could you ask again?” Sam said through the phone.

“Important call for Swarley!” The bartender shouted again.

Blaine walked through the entrance of the bar walking over to his two friends with a guy trailing not too far behind. “Geez, can't you hear him, Swarley? There's a call for you.”

“Stop calling me that.” Artie yelled at him in which Blaine just laughed.

“Uh... Hey, I'd like you guys to officially meet Christian.” Blaine introduced him to his friends.

They all greeted each other with “hi’s” and then Christian excused himself to the bathroom. Blaine pointed out the direction before sitting in the booth with his friends.

“Right? Right? He's hot! And he likes me?” Blaine questioned the possibility of this. “He likes Italian food. I also like Italian food. He likes Kenny G. I also like... music. And I think we're going to go out again.” Blaine told his friends with a giant smile.

“Dude, you gotta ditch him.” Artie said.

“Obviously.” Sam agreed.

“What, why?” Blaine asked confused.

“He's got the crazy eyes.” Artie explained as he pointed to his own eyes.

“Dude. The eyes. They're crazy.” Sam agreed again.

“What are you guys talking about, the crazy eyes?” Blaine asked. He was so confused, especially after Sam practically begged him to ask this guy out.

“It's a well-documented condition of the pupils, or pupi.” Artie explained and then questioned.

“No. Just pupils.” Sam told him.

“It's an indicator of future mental instability.” Artie told him.

“He does not have the crazy eyes.” Blaine defended. This was ridiculous now.

“You just can't see it because you're afflicted with "haven't been laid in a while" blindness.” Sam told him truthfully.

“He was too far away in the coffee place, but when I saw him up close just now…” Artie went on to explain how he saw the crazy in the guy’s eyes immediately after he greeted himself.

“Guys, I'm not going to stop dating Christian just because you think he has the crazy eyes.” Blaine told them. This was out of hand.

“You can keep going out with him, but you're gonna regret it.” Artie started as he took a sip of his beer. “One time, I met a girl at this very bar. I saw that she had the crazy eyes... But I ignored it. And then, sure enough.” He went on to explain how this chick wanted a threesome with her, him, and Mr. Weasles, her stuffed animal. Sam couldn’t contain his laughter after that one.

“So, did you do it?” Sam asked curiously.

“No. It ended up being just a twosome with the third one watching from a chair…”

“Which one were you?” Sam questioned suspiciously.

“I'd rather not say.” Artie said as he took another sip of his beer, willing the slightly bitter taste to replace the extremely bitter memory.

“Look, there was a time I didn't believe in the crazy eyes either, and then I met Jeanine. She had serious crazy eyes. I told myself I was just imagining it, but then…” Sam continued to explain how this girl hinted to go back to his apartment, and who could say no to that. But on the walk back, a car came to a halt right in front of them, resulting in a very angry Jeanine beating the front window of the car to pieces with a sledgehammer. Blaine just wondered where the hell they found these girls, Christian would never do anything like that. Plus, he’s not a girl. That has to count for something right?

“You guys, Christian is not  gonna do any of that stuff. He's a nice guy from Nebraska. He's not crazy. He's... he's awesome.” Blaine tried to defend his new dark hair dark eyed friend.

 

**\-- // --**

 

Blaine was sitting in class taking a very important test. If he failed this, he would most likely fail the semester. He kept feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket and when it wouldn’t stop, he finally took a “bathroom break” and took a step out in the hall to answer.

“Hello?”

“Blaine? It’s Christian.”

“Are you the one who's called me like nine times?” Blaine whispered as he looked down the hall. He didn’t want to disturb anyone else trying to take exams.

“Yeah. Could you come get me?”

“I'm in the middle of taking a test.” He explained.

“Please. I'm so scared.”

This was ridiculous. Christian was a grown-ass man. But Blaine was too nice for his own good and couldn’t deny the guy at least some sort of explanation.

“Well, what's going on?”

“This weird midget guy started following me  and he was screaming at me and he had a limp and a big hump on his back and the police didn't believe me and I almost got trampled by a horse and... God I must sound totally crazy to you right now.”

Blaine listened to this insane story. He walked out of an exam for this?

“No. Pfft. Not at all.”

 

**\-- // --**

 

“So, he's needy crazy. That's one of the worst kinds.” Sam explained to Blaine.

“I've had one of those.” Artie went on to explain. “Makes up stories to get attention. Went out with her for three weeks, her dad died twice.”

“Guys, he was really freaked out, okay? Maybe the story is true.” Blaine didn’t even believe it himself, but he couldn’t stop going out with him because of this.

“What in the world would make you believe that's a true story?” Artie asked in astonishment.

Blaine thought about this for a minute, but couldn’t come up with any sort of decent explanation. “He's really hot.”

“They always are.” Artie told him as he picked up his beer and continued to sip it.

“You all done with that, Sam?” The waitress asked him as she made move for the empty plates and glasses.

“Yeah.”

“Pam. I told you to call him Pam!”

“That's just sad.” Sam told Artie as Blaine nodded in agreement.

“Sorry, Swarley.” The waitress said as she took off with the empty items.

 

**\-- // --**

 

“So, do just you and Sam live here or does Swarley live here, too?” Christian asked as he took a look around the apartment.

“Nah. Swarley has his own place.” Blaine explained as he grabbed some beers from the fridge. As he was closing the fridge he heard a small noise. “What was that?” He asked.

“Oh, I, uh, dropped my keys.” Christian explained in which Blaine nodded.

“So, here you go. Two pumpkin beers.” Blaine said with a laugh. “I was joking. They're regular beers.” Christian laughed too as he grabbed the beer. As Blaine went to sit on the couch he noticed shards of glass on the floor. “What is that? This picture is broken.”

Blaine bent down to examine the picture on the floor.

“Oh. That's too bad.” Christian told him. “Is that Kurt?” He asked pointing to the brunette smiling beside Blaine in the picture. “Is that the guy you were going to marry?”

Blaine stared at the picture for a second before answering. “Yeah. Is that what that sound was? Did you just smash this?” He didn’t want to believe Christian would do anything of the sort.

“No. Why would I do that?” He asked innocently as he sat down on the couch.

“Let me look into your eyes.” Blaine stated as he kneeled onto the couch next to Christian to gaze into his eyes.

“Okay. I had a really nice time tonight.” He told Blaine.

“Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking.”

“I like your eyes a lot, too.” Christian said. He started to lean in and Blaine was pretty sure he was just about to get kissed.

Blaine was startled by Kurt jumping from behind the couch and in between him and Christian yelling for him to stop. Once Kurt was able to sit up a little, he placed his hand out for Christian to shake. “Hi, I’m Kurt.”

Blaine was so confused as to what the hell Kurt was even doing there.

 

_**Three Days Ago** _

_“What's up Swarlz?” Mercedes asked Artie as she sat in the booth that was regularly occupied by their little group._

_“No. Okay? No. No more. I will not let this become a thing. It's over. No more Swarley. No Swarlz. No more Swar-lay. No more Swar... wait for it... ley. No more Bob Swarley, man. No more. No! It's over. Do you understand?” Artie yelled in frustration._

_“Yes.” Mercedes and Kurt answered at the same time._

_Artie proceeded to roll out of the bar but not without Mercedes noticing the “Call Me Swarley” sign that Kurt apparently stuck to his back._

_“Nice.” Mercedes praised._

_“Why didn't you call me?” Kurt got right down to the point. It was a very much needed “girl” talk right now._

_“Was I supposed to call you?” Mercedes asked confused._

_“Yes! About the whole Blaine-dating-another-guy thing.” Kurt told her as if it was obvious._

_“You said you were fine with it.” Mercedes asked as she sipped at her drink._

_“Yeah, in front of Sam, but then I shot you a look.” Kurt told her._

_“What look?”_

_“This.” Kurt said as he proceeded to turn his head slightly to one side apparently indicating some sort of look to Mercedes._

_“That doesn't seem like a look.”_

_“Yes it is. It means,  "I'm upset call me later."” Kurt explained in frustration as he downed a shot._

_“You should have pulled me aside and told me what the look meant.”_

_“If I pulled you aside, I wouldn't need the look.”_

_“Well, maybe if it was a more distinctive look…”_

_“Okay!” Kurt cut her off. “The look isn't important. What's important is that I can't stand the idea of Blaine dating another guy. I mean, what if he falls in love with him?” Kurt questioned dramatically._

_“Well, if it makes you feel any better, Sam says he has the crazy eyes.”_

_“What the hell is that?” Kurt asked as he signalled for the waitress to bring him another shot. This was just a conversation he never wished he had to have._

_“Apparently, a thing some people have that guys can see and it tells them that the person is crazy.” Mercedes explained._

_“Oh, kind of like how you never want to date a guy with perfect fingernails?” Kurt remembered the guy who kept hitting on him throughout the whole semester in one of classes and shuttered as he down the other shot._

_“Jerk nails. Exactly.”_

_“Well, did Sam say whether he was good-looking? I mean, 'cause if I knew he was ugly, then maybe I wouldn't be so freaked out.” Kurt explained. He thought that was pretty reasonable._

_“Uh, he didn't say, but you can find out. I think his name is Christian, he works at Cosa Coffee on 78th.”_

_Kurt pondered this information, thinking of a plan of action. He needed to see this dude’s face. He’d do whatever it would take._

_“Phone call for Swarles Barkley?” The bartender called out._

_Mercedes took the phone knowing exactly who was on the other end of it. “Hey, Sam. No, he's not here. Good one, though, remember that one.”_

_**\-- // --** _

 

_Kurt entered the coffee shop not really knowing what to expect. He had his backpack from school on his back and a trench coat draped over it. He kept trying to convince himself that the trench coat was because of the rain, but he knew the reality of it. He finally got the courage to approach the counter. He just hoped this guy wasn’t him._

_“Is, um, Christian here?” He asked nervously._

_“He just left. You can probably still catch him. He's easy to spot, he's got a lime green umbrella.” The coffee guy explained to Kurt. Well that was pretty easy._

_“Oh, thanks, Brian.” Kurt had to be polite, this guy just gave him crucial information._

_“My name is Scott.”_

_“Your tag says Brian.” Kurt said confused._

_“I know. Funny story. So, I wake up this morning, and…”_

_“Yeah, see you later, Brian.” Kurt cut the guy off. He didn’t have time for this, he had to catch this guy before he went into the subway or something._

_It didn’t take long to spot the lime green umbrella. Kurt’s thoughts immediately went haywire. “There he is. Pfft, he doesn't look that great. He's not fat, but that doesn't mean anything. I know tons of skinny, ugly guys. That's right, snotty dude in my yoga class, I'm talking to you.” Kurt shook his head from his stupid thoughts, he had more important things to think about. “Come on, Christian, turn around. Here we go. Turn around, Christian. Come on, show me that hideous face. Damn it!” Kurt needed a new plan. He ran a few in his head before he got one. “Ooh, I know, I'll get ahead of him, then I'll cut back so I…” Kurt struck his leg against a giant metal bar hanging out of the side of the wall. He was in so much pain, he started to limp. “Aah! Oh, my God, that hurts!” He pulled the trench coat higher to shield himself from the rain. He made his voice a lot deeper before calling out. “Hey! Hey, you! Turn around! Turn around, Christian!” He finally turned at hearing his name and when he spotted Kurt, limping with what looked like a hunchback due to his backpack being under his giant trench coat, the man ran away._

 

_**\-- // --** _

_“He's hot? I'm so sorry.” Mercedes told Kurt as she clutched his hand. She was sitting across from him once again in the booth at the bar. Kurt looked so distraught, she felt terrible for him._

_“No, it's fine.” He lied. “It just makes things easier. Now that I know he's a threat, all I have to do is keep Blaine from ever seeing him again.” Kurt started. He saw Mercedes look at him like he was now the crazy one, but he needed Blaine back, and he needed Blaine back now. “Okay, I have two plans, you can help me choose. Plan A, remember that time Blaine and I had sex in the bathroom? Oops, I got knocked up.”_

_“Kurt! What?!” Mercedes asked incredulously._

_“Yeah, okay, Plan B is called "Christian's Accident."” He liked Plan B. He would go with Plan B._

_“Just stop.” Mercedes cut him off from his thoughts._

_“What?”_

_“Kurt, you can't do any of those things. Especially the first one!” She was still recovering from that. “If you two are ever gonna get back together, you have to let him work out whatever this is.”_

_“I know. You're right.” And he hated that she was. He was so dumb to leave Blaine last summer, what was he thinking?_

_“Now, come on, Sam asked us to be back at 6:00. Some surprise for Artie.”_

_“Artie?” Kurt questioned as he downed the rest of his glass before standing up._

_“Uh, Swarley.” Mercedes corrected as she stood up to leave the bar with Kurt._

_**\-- // --** _

 

_Once Kurt and Mercedes entered the apartment, Kurt couldn’t help but notice the absence of one person._

_“Hey. Where's Blaine?” He questioned, trying not to sound too eager._

_“Oh, he's getting a haircut.” Sam explained. Trying to be as nonchalant as possible._

_“Oh.” Kurt dreaded this. “For his date. Good for him. Hope he has a good time tonight.”_

_“Relax, you've got nothing to worry about. The dude's crazy.” Artie explained._

_“Thanks!” Kurt was grateful for at least one of his friend’s support._

_“He'll just have wild monkey sex with him five times, max, and be done with him.” Artie continued._

_Well, never mind that. “Thanks again.” Kurt muttered._

_Sam proceeded to walk over to the stereo as the rest of the group sat around the couch. At 6 on the dot the radio host announced a slow love song in dedication to Swarley that also made him out to be a woman now. In which Artie tried to convince his friends he actually enjoyed the new name now. It didn’t work, of course. He once again got angry and stormed out. Well, the best he could in a wheelchair. The group laughed about it once again before Sam spoke up._

_“Man, he is really gonna lose it when all the magazine subscriptions start coming in.”_

_“I signed him up for People in Espanol, but I addressed it to Swarlos.” Mercedes said with a laugh as Sam high-fived her._

_Kurt was too busy looking around at the apartment to really care about the whole Artie/Swarley thing anymore._

_“Hey, where's the picture of Blaine and me at the pier? Didn't it used to be by that window?” He questioned Sam as he stood up to examine the now empty spot._

_“Oh, yeah, he, uh, he sort of took it down when you left. Put it behind some books, I think.” Sam said sadly. He loved Kurt and Blaine and wanted nothing more than to see them both happy. But Blaine really needed to figure this stuff out again before he went straight back to Kurt. Picking up Blaine’s life over the summer was really tough. He’d never seen his best friend so distraught. Ever._

_“Oh, well- well, maybe I should put it back up.” Kurt said nervously trying to find the picture._

_“Why, so Christian'll see it and get scared off?” Sam asked with a smirk._

_“No. So Blaine'll see it and feel guilty.” He started to say before he let the reality sink in. “Yeah, okay.” He was admitting defeat._

_**\-- // --** _

_Kurt takes the picture of him and Blaine and places it on the piano. He hears people walking and talking and can recognize that voice anywhere. He gets a bit nervous about getting caught and in his hurry to hide, he knocks the picture to the floor with a shatter._

_Blaine and Christian entered the apartment and he had no idea what to do._

_“...Hmm. Pretty impressive, huh?” Christian asked as he moved to the living room._

_“Wow, you really did memorize all the sax rhythms  to "Songbird."” God Blaine really hates Kenny G even more now. “Can I, uh, can I get you a drink?” He offered._

_“I'd love a beer.” Christian suggested._

_“You got it.” Blaine replied._

_Kurt really didn’t know what to do. His heart was racing at the thought of Blaine finding him. He did the first thing that came to mind and hid underneath the desk. And he stayed there, listening to his ex-fiance on a date with another man._

 

_**Present** _

“Kurt… Kurt, what the hell are you doing?” Blaine asked as he helped Kurt off the ground after his couch dive.

“I don't know.” Kurt started removing his arm from Blaine’s grasp. He tried so hard to keep the tears at bay, but couldn’t hold them in anymore. “I... I don't know... what I'm doing. Oh, pumpkin beer, that was a good one.” He made move for the door and tried not to look at the pitying look on Blaine’s face. “I'm just... I'm gonna go. I... I'm so sorry. Enjoy the rest of your date.” And Kurt left the apartment in a hurry.

“He seems nice.” Christian told Blaine with a genuine smile.

Blaine let out a deep sigh and knew what he had to do. He left the apartment and told Christian he’d be right back. He caught Kurt sitting on the steps outside of the building.

Blaine sat next to Kurt and both boys were silent for a minute aside from Kurt’s small sniffling.

“Kurt, what the hell…” Blaine questioned in a tired voice.

“I'm sorry. I only snuck up there because... When I saw how cute he was yesterday, I freaked out.” Kurt said embarrassed, not only at the fact that he was still sniffling, but just about everything.

“Kurt, you saw him yesterday?” Blaine asked confused staring at Kurt’s profile.

“Yeah, I…” He sniffled, but the tears stopped. “Kind of chased him down the street.” Kurt replied looking down at his shoes.

“Wait, so you were the hunchback with the limp?” Blaine questioned with a small smile.

“Yeah.” Kurt admitted. “And he didn't break the picture, I did.”

“So Christian's not crazy, he's... just a nice, normal guy.” Blaine realized.

“Yeah, he is.” Kurt pondered for a minute. “And you deserve a nice, normal guy. So, why don't you just go back up there and finish your date.” He didn’t want to admit it, but he loved Blaine, so he would at least give him this.

“Yeah. Okay.” But he didn’t make any move to get up. “Wait, if you were the hunchback, then why did he think you were like, super old?”

“I-I might have used a voice-” Kurt made his voice sufficiently deeper before continuing. “That sounded like this.”

“Why?” Blaine asked with a small laugh.

“Because I didn't want him to know it was me, which I now realize doesn't make sense, because he hadn't even met me.” He said in one giant breath, still trying to clear up the sniffles he was letting out.

“You're crazy.” Blaine told him looking into his eyes. “You have... crazier eyes than anybody that I have ever met.“

“Shouldn't you be going back up…” Kurt pointed up the stairs to show his point.

“I mean, you're out of your mind. You're... just absolutely insane.”

“Shouldn't you be going back upstairs?” He couldn’t do this. He just needed Blaine to go back to his date so he can wallow to Mercedes.

Blaine nodded but still didn’t make any more to get up. They stared at each other in the eyes for a few seconds before Blaine spoke up. “I've missed you so much.”

Next thing Kurt knew, Blaine was throwing himself at Kurt and Blaine’s lips were attached to his.  _Home._  And it was the greatest feeling in the world. He clutched to Blaine’s shoulders as he deepened the kiss refusing to let him go for another second.

Once they finally parted from each other, Kurt just snuggled in close to Blaine on the stairs. He never wanted to live a second without this man as his again.

Artie was rolling while Sam and Mercedes held hands walking up the street towards the apartment building.

“Okay, I ran it by the group, and we decided we're gonna give you a choice.” Sam said towards Artie. “We will agree to stop calling you Swarley” Artie perked up at this. “But instead, we'll call you Jennifer.” There was a small pause. “Well?”

“I'm thinking.” Artie replied. “How about this? On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, you…”

Sam noticed Blaine and Kurt snuggling close to each other on the steps of the apartment. “Hey! Look at this this!”

Sam hugged Blaine as Mercedes hugged Kurt and vice versa. Everything was back to normal. Kurt and Blaine were back together, everything was perfect. Until they stepped back into the apartment.

“Oh, my God.” Mercedes said with a gasp. The whole apartment looked ransacked. Christian was sitting in the middle of the couch with a smile.

“Hey, Christian, I... guess I forgot I left you up here.” Blaine told him as the group just stood in the doorway of the apartment.

“I was gonna leave, but I can't find my keys.” Christian replied as he raised his arms up in defeat.

“They're right there on the coffee table.” Blaine told him as he pointed to the object that was sitting front and center on the table.

“Silly me. I must have looked everywhere else. Well... I'm just gonna go. Oh, I don't think we've met. I'm Christian.” He said holding a hand out to Mercedes.

“Mercedes.”

“It's nice to meet you, Marco. I'll see you guys later.” He said as he left the building.

“Marco!? Your name's Marco. That's funny, right?” Artie said, as he proceeded to make a bunch of Marco puns.

“Nice try, Swarley.” Sam said as he patted him on the back and moved to start cleaning up the apartment.

“Damn it.”

Kurt and Blaine just laughed before going in for another kiss. Blaine leaned their foreheads together just looking into Kurt's gorgeous blue eyes. 

"I love you so much, Kurt. Please, _please_ don't ever leave me again." 

"I promise you, it was the biggest mistake of my life. I love you too, more than anything." Kurt leaned down for a small kiss. 

During the kiss, Blaine felt a shredded book hit the back of his head indicating that Sam was mentally telling him “you brought that psycho into this apartment, you help clean up his mess.”


End file.
